The
Job Interview
by Patrick J. Swenson
(from The Market List #3)
Manny Manuscript has a big day ahead of him.
He has an interview.
Manny knows that if he is to have any success
at all--if he is to bring good fortune and fame to his Creator--he
must look his best. He shouldn't arrive in anything less
than a 9 x 12 manila envelope. He has heard stories of
manuscripts arriving jammed into envelopes half their size.
He also shouldn't overdress. No fancy artwork on the envelope,
no scratch-n-sniff stickers, just a plain envelope with correct
postage. A paper clip is all he needs to keep himself together,
not a staple.
Manny knows that if his interview is with
Bob Bobson, the editor of Bob's SF, he should address
himself directly to Bob Bobson, editor. He knows that this
will get him moving in the right direction, particularly when
he goes looking for bigger jobs at bigger magazines. "Always
address your envelope to the editor by name, if known,"
Grandpa Maurice Manuscript told him.
Manny knows that he should wear clean
white paper, non-erasable, and print on it with a near-letter
quality printer. If using a typewriter, make sure the ribbon
is good and black. Margins should be one inch on all sides.
Headers should contain the Creator's last name, a portion
of the title, and the page number, and shouldn't appear until
page two in the upper right hand corner. He uses a 12 point
Courier font, because he hates to put undue strain on
an editor's eyes, and because it is non-proportional and makes
column-inch estimating easier. He makes sure he is double-spaced.
He goes into an interview with the word count rounded up
to the nearest hundred in the upper right hand corner of the
first page, so the editor can tell at a glance if he's
even right for the job. He has a good handle on grammar and
spelling. When he's done with what he has to say, he tells
the editor "End" or "The End" on the last page.
Manny knows to bring a resume, what editors
call a cover letter, but to keep it short and professional:
Name of story, writing credits, a nice thank you, and that's
about it. Sometimes, if Manny knows an editor, or has
met one at some professional gathering, he'll add a personal
note. This can help land those tough jobs. It doesn't hurt
to know the people who do the hiring. He knows not to do what
his brother Michael told an editor once: "Dear editor. I know
I'm several thousand words over your limit, but read it at
least halfway through, because I know you'll want to read
on. If you don't, you'll probably wonder for the rest of your
life how the story ends. Please hurry with the response because
I can feel the noose tightening around my neck, and my feet
are at the edge of the chair."
Manny knows not to put copyright information
or a social security number on himself. An editor will
ask for those things if Manny gets the job (although a few
magazines specifically ask for them in advance--putting them
in a cover letter would be best for those few cases). He also
doesn't submit himself to more than one interview at a time.
Simultaneous submissions are a no-no. It will give
Manny's Creator a bad name, particularly when two different
editors suddenly want him to work for them.
Manny knows to put his best paragraph forward
and grab the editor's attention right away, make himself readable
from beginning to end, but he also knows that the final decision
could take some time. So he's prepared to wait. He might sit
in the office for months. But he's ready. He has left a self-addressed
stamped envelope (also known as an SASE) for any response
the editor might have. The SASE will not have the
editor's address on it, just in case there is insufficient
postage. If the editor has told Manny no, the last
thing he wants is Manny returned to him by the post office.
The SASE shouldn't have weird art on it, because it's not
professional. Manny's SASEs are not run through postage meters
because it's illegal. He uses stamps. It's okay for the
SASE to be a #10 business-sized envelope if Manny mentions
he is disposable. Manny 's first page can survive the
trip back to the Creator while the rest of him is recycled
by the editor. The Creator can always clone Manny from computer
data and send him to the next interview. Manny mentions in
his resume that an SASE is enclosed, because if the Creator
forgets the SASE, the mere mention of an SASE might
prompt the editor to give the Creator the benefit of the doubt
and fork out thirty-two cents to return a part of Manny along
with any editorial comments.
Manny is a professional. That's the bottom
line. That's the top line too, and all the lines in between.
Manny knows he must keep on trying, but he also knows that
he might not be good enough for some jobs the Creator sends
him to. That's okay. The Creator writes more Mannys, learns
from comments the editors make, and tries not to be a jerk.
Manny's Creator checks the papers for market information
about every job, because editors have specific likes and
needs. Manny doesn't bother editors at professional gatherings.
He doesn't hang around the editor trying to worm into his
good graces; Manny wants to win the editor's praise on
his own merit.
Manny knows all this.
So should you.
--------------------
Patrick J. Swenson is the editor and publisher
of the new quarterly SF & Dark Fantasy magazine, Talebones:
Fiction on the Dark Edge. A graduate of Clarion West
(1986), his fiction has appeared in Marion Zimmer Bradley's
Fantasy Magazine, Figment, Northwest Writers,
and the small press. Although he also plays trombone in a
17-piece Big Band and carries luggage at a major Seattle hotel,
Patrick mostly makes his mundane living as an English teacher
at a local high school.
Copyright © 1996 by Patrick
J. Swenson. All Rights Reserved. |